WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF WISDOM
How to be more confident, supporting Women in Business & Beyond. Bridging the gap between Ambition and Wellbeing.
Hopefully you’ve read part one of “What to do when self-doubt gets in your way”.
If you haven’t already please go back and have a read, posted earlier in October you can then use the two together as a helpful guideline.
I wrote about a number of things that will help to provide you with a new perspective along with action steps especially for those struggling with challenges related to self-doubt.
Many of the things I mention you might already be aware of. You may of heard or read about them before, but there is a difference between being aware of or familiar with and putting these practices into action.
Strictly speaking if you are committed to the processes I’ve spoken about or similar and taking action, your self-doubt challenges would be minimal or non-existent.
In short, stop being aware of or vaguely familiar with all the advice you’ve read, listened to or have been given about improving your self-doubt. Put these useful tools, techniques and practices into action step by step so you can reap the benefits and experience a significant change in how you feel about yourself and the world around you.
Take action and exercise your right to be free of self-doubt.
I’m going to provide a little more background around what is perhaps going on for you and why you might be feeling the way you do. We are complex beings and no two people are truly alike. What I’m providing should be tweaked to take into consideration your uniqueness.
When did you decide to self-doubt?
What is the decision or story you’ve created for yourself, with regards to your self-doubt?
What do I mean by decision? Self-doubt doesn’t just appear overnight it’s created by something we’ve been given in life, which could be an experience, a thought, an event or a recollection.
If these gifts or the memory of these were helpful or positive then generally we make decisions and create stories and beliefs about ourselves and life that are more likely to be enabling, helpful and empowering. If the gifts or memory of these were hindering, negative or not so pleasant then it’s more likely the decision or story you associate with this happening or event will be committed to memory and stay with you as an unhelpful belief.
The important thing to note is your memory or recollection of things that have happened is based on your version of the truth. Once the event has passed you are no longer in the moment, your mind relies on your version of events influenced by how you view the world, which is guided, filtered and distorted by your experiences and the knowledge you have captured and cultivated prior to this.
It’s a comprehensive way of saying your memory, recollection and interpretation of the things that happen to you cannot always be relied upon. Add to this the other influences on how you view the world such as the things you’ve been told by your teachers, parents, boss, religious influencer, wife, husband etc. the list is long, it’s no wonder your thoughts go off piste, are sometimes unhelpful and leave you with emotional challenges such as self-doubt.
If you’re hanging on to a memory or story that’s unhelpful, it is futile. What has happened has passed, do you really want it to influence your future? It’s a sunk cost never to be seen again except for when you choose to bring it back and give life to it.
What are you ‘Imaginary Obstacles’?
I like to think of the emotional challenges that hold us back such as a lack of self-doubt, self-belief etc. as imaginary obstacles.
There are often imaginary obstacles standing in your way and it’s the way you react to these that actually turn them into a reality for you. When you put energy and life into the things in your imagination this is when you bring them to light and that’s when you enable them to affect you in a helpful or hindering way, this is when you decide whether they create or deny you power.
If what you’ve been doing so far isn’t working it’s time to do different.
Let’s get into specifics:
This might be a little deep but let’s give it a try.
These might be a bit confrontational but I’ve got to ask. Is there any part of you that’s hanging on to your self-doubt as a sort of security blanket? It’s been with you for so long, it’s what you know. You believe if you let go of it you’ll be doing things that scare you even more. How about this, your self-doubt makes you feel significant or valuable? You wear it like a badge of honour something you’ve earned and feel as though you deserve. If any of these resonate, perhaps now you can understand the effect this would have on you.
Here's what I want you to do:
Read both articles again.
Will you be the one this time next year who’s still saying I know all this stuff, I’ve read it before….yet nothing has changed for you?
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