WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF WISDOM
How to develop more self-belief. How can I become more self-confident
The first thing to do is acknowledge it, instead of being fearful. If any type of fear subsequently accompanies your feeling of self-doubt, then also acknowledge your fear. It sounds a strange thing to do but acknowledging the feelings that at first seem to hinder your progress is a valuable way to remove the hold they have over you. Awareness and acceptance of feelings or emotions labelled as negative will mean you can start the process of removing the power they have over you and in the case of self-doubt will enable you to elevate what you believe yourself to be capable of.
When we fear something or are uncomfortable with the way we’re feeling there's a tendency to veer towards avoidance rather then acknowledgment, exploration and acceptance, which would in fact provide you with a starting point for options towards change and more affirmative action.
The uncomfortable feelings you experience such as self-doubt might at first appear to be there to trip you up or stop you from progressing but they are created by you (mostly unconsciously) with a helpful purpose in mind. They are created to protect you, which is a wonderful intention but not always helpful. They’re created with the intention of saving you from being hurt or disappointed and to keep you safer within your comfort zone, the zone of only doing what you know and where you think you are certain of the outcomes.
As humans we are very complex in the way we think and sometimes it’s not always easy to understand our thought processes, which determine our behaviours and actions.
I’ve experienced the most enlightening moments when rather than fearing or ignoring what I’m thinking or feeling I’ve taken the time to become aware of, observed, acknowledged and explored what was going on for me. Asking questions such as what’s behind this feeling and what is the positive intention it seeks to serve. This of course requires a little bravery and tools for support whatever these may look like.
Of course I only recognised the power of doing this after much reading, speaking with experts and learning more about my ‘Emotional Intelligence’ including what I’m capable of when I think differently and create new perspectives, which can be difficult when you only have yourself for feedback.
I’m happy to package what I’ve learned into bite-sized chunks to help and support you on your journey.
If you’re reading this and already have a deeper insight into your motivations and what you can do for change to happen, it might be easier for you to understand the process. If you are starting your journey in wanting to understand what you can do differently to experience less self-doubt you might need some further support to help you to find where to begin.
Here are some starters for you
Explore your relationship with the following:
Your self-doubt usually comes with a story you’ve created about what you believe to be true about yourself and the world. An example of such a story might be that you feel the need to conform to societal expectations, perhaps it’s something your parents taught you to be the same as everybody else, do as your told, obey the rules etc. and stay within the lines or similar.
Stepping beyond self-doubt and doing things beyond your comfort zone might involve being and doing things that are different or out of the ordinary, which might mean moving beyond your “I am a conformist story”. Is this you? Realisation can be a powerful motivating factor for change.
Are you comparing yourself to others? If you are is this a helpful or unhelpful process? Comparing for the wrong reasons is impairing and can bring with it a plethora of self-doubt. Remember each of us have diverse realities therefore different experiences, memories and stories. If you must compare do it in a way that you use it as a model for how you can create more of what you want rather than to feel uncertain about yourself.
When we compare ourselves to others there is a level of judgement involved. We judge or perceive others to be better or worse off. Judgement is an unquantifiable scale of life and for this reason is not something you should measure your own self-worth by and allow to affect your level of self-belief.
The goals you’ve set for yourself, are they your own or have they been influenced by others or by what you view will be accepted by society? Are your goals focused on staying true to yourself, your values, your ethics and what is important to you or is it another way for you to conform to what everyone else is doing? Do you have any true goals? Explore what’s truly important to you and keep these in mind when goal setting. You’re more likely to want to move past your self-doubt to achieve goals that truly mean something to you and what you stand for.
There’ll be enough here to get you started and thinking differently.
If not give me a shout and we can relate to your personal story of self-doubt.
Part 2 will follow later in October.
I'm older and wiser than I look. After many years in the corporate world I decided to branch out on my own…brave eh? My tenacity, resilience and wonderful sense of fulfilment from what I do keeps me doing.