How to develop more self-belief. How can I become more self-confident
Aiming for incremental improvements rather than a notion of perfection can lighten the psychological and emotional pressures we put on ourselves.
Obviously if waking up every day aiming for perfection is your idea of heaven, you can certainly skip this article, if however on reflection it’s actually creating stress in your life, perhaps it might be time for a review of your idea of perfection.
What is your definition of perfect? Do you aim for a perfect life? Perfection in all that you do? Job? Relationship? Car? Finances? Friendships?
How are you measuring your ideals?
Is it by what other people have, their material possessions? What they are doing, travelling, eating, drinking? Is it their Social Media posts?
Perhaps it’s defined by an ideal created by you, your parents, grandparents or maybe a friend or spouse?
How about these? Do you want more money? A different job? A better Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife? A car that makes people turn their heads when you drive past, are any of these your concept of perfection?
When will what you already have, be enough?
Many of us are so hell bent on chasing the concept of perfect it’s causing us not only to be mean to ourselves in trying to get there, we’re not actually enjoying what we already have and certainly not enjoying the simple things we experience with each day that passes.
We’re evaluating and measuring ourselves probably on a forced notion of perfection, by peering into our neighbour’s window, looking at the achievements of others and what we think they have, with absolutely no idea of how they’ve got there.
In today’s society we’re also now measuring ourselves by the standards of other people’s Social Media posts and profiles, distorting the view as to what we deem as perfect, by these mostly unattainable and very often unreal standards.
When we become fixated or frustrated with not achieving perfect we start to create negative thought patterns, which are even more unhelpful leading us to being unkind to ourselves and others.
Wanting a better life is what most of us aspire to but when this generates a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours when we don’t get what we want, it will actually cause more harm than good.
Strangely enough when fixated on the idea of perfection the downside can actually manifest itself negatively in different ways physically, emotionally and psychologically, a far cry from perfection.
You’ll recognise it in your daily default position, here are some signs to look out for:
How can you start to think differently?
One of the most profound questions I’ve ever been asked was “Would you treat others the way you treat yourself?” This resonated with me so much making a long lasting impact on how I choose to treat myself. I’ve stayed with this concept of better self-care, as it helps me recognise when I’m being unfair to myself by creating stressors such as perfection syndrome. I’m gentler with myself, paying particular attention to my thoughts. I’m seeing great results in turning around unhelpful and negative thoughts to more supportive ones.
Ask yourself the above question daily, to help you start thinking differently.
What can you start doing differently?
When we become so embroiled in searching or waiting for perfection life slowly passes us by, we miss out and forget to live and experience the moment, the here and now.
Leaving the concept of perfect behind takes the pressure off and allows for less stress and more contentment.
I would love to hear any thoughts you have.
If you would like help or support with this or any other mindset challenges please contact
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I'm older and wiser than I look. After many years in the corporate world I decided to branch out on my own…brave eh? My tenacity, resilience and wonderful sense of fulfilment from what I do keeps me doing.