WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF WISDOM
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When purchasing a property or area of land it’s usual to have a boundary agreement in place that clearly shows where the demarcation is between your property and the neighbouring properties. In the event that there is a boundary dispute the agreement can be used to support any claim and hopefully settle the dispute.
Disputes in the area of property and land boundaries can occur where there has been no previous agreement put in place as to where exactly the boundaries lie.
I use this analogy as an example to highlight the importance of knowing and setting boundaries, particularly in your home, personal and work environment.
Exploring, becoming conscious of and then setting personal boundaries are important for your own learning, personal development and your self-confidence. When you become clear on where your boundaries lie it will greatly influence how others interact with you and will also contribute greatly to your own peace of mind and self-worth.
When you are clear on where your boundaries are, you become more certain of who you are and what you are willing to allow into your life, it also offers a platform to support you to be more decisive when the need arises.
Being clear and certain of your boundaries will also bring a feeling of self-assuredness, which allows you to introduce a degree of flexibility when you choose to, so that you do not become too rigid in your thinking and interaction with others.
This may sound like a paradox but being flexible will aid you in reinforcing healthy boundaries and relationships. Rather than having an approach of being flexible all the time and introducing boundaries or limits sporadically or not at all, a healthy boundary set, with a sprinkling of flexibility allows you to continue learning and developing, reviewing your boundaries periodically. This type of approach will be conducive to building good quality relationships and will also be a positive influence in your life.
Your values and your boundaries go hand in hand, in that when you are certain of what you value and what is important to you the exercise of putting in place your boundaries and what you are prepared to accept in your life becomes a more focused and calmer process.
We can sometimes be reserved or have a sense of misguided politeness in vocalising what we are prepared to accept from others in our environment. When this happens it can result in saying yes to things that we don’t really want to or accept behaviour that we actually find objectionable.
If the subject of setting boundaries is new to you but you realise that it is definitely important in your life and you want to embark on this journey, there are a few things for you to bear in mind.
Once you begin to explore what this means, you will start to get a feel for what you want to be different. It might be that this is something that has been playing on your mind for some time and you didn’t know where to start or what to do differently.
It will require you to think and behave differently. This means change. Your family, friends and colleagues will more than likely be the ones that also begin to notice a change in you and might be impacted or affected somehow.
There may be individuals in your immediate environment that have been contributing to you feeling unsettled and for you wanting to explore this area of change. It might feel a little uncomfortable at first, as it will be a change in your behaviour that you have probably been practicing for a long time, perhaps years.
It is also possible that you may lose individuals close to you or lose those who are no longer able to push you beyond your boundaries, have a plan as to what you might want to do if this happens.
When you begin to instil your decisions around your boundaries you may be met with questioning responses to your new behaviour such as: What’s going on? Why are you acting differently? What have you done with the old Susie or Bob?
It’s up to you how you respond, you can talk about what you are doing, or you can choose to keep it to yourself and carry on with your new ‘Boundary Bolstering Behaviour’.
For me, I’m a fan of being polite, gracious and positively influencing as much as I can. I also recognise that I can change my own thoughts and behaviours but I cannot change those of others so sometimes I must walk away and move on.
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