How to develop more self-belief. How can I become more self-confident
One of the most profound questions that I’ve ever been asked was:
Are you kind to yourself?
This question has contributed significantly to my own personal development, growth and to creating boundaries for myself, which I now hold in very high regard.
At the time this question was asked I was spending a lot of time contributing to the well being of others and not so much time was being spent on my own well being.
I have to say the question stopped me in my tracks and ever since then I am consciously kinder to myself, I have become more aware when I am not being kind to myself and so for the most part I treat myself with much more love and affection.
This may sound a little odd to some or perhaps a tad egotistical but here’s what I’m thinking, if I look after myself I will be around a lot longer and have a lot more energy to continue contributing to the well being of both myself and others and who doesn’t enjoy being looked after?
Here are a few questions for you:
Do you often stay up late to watch something, play with your techie gadgets or stay on Social Media? Do you do this so often you’re always complaining that you are tired……and more caffeine please.
Ask yourself what can I do to change this? The obvious answer is go to bed earlier so that you can get more sleep, however the first action might be to ask yourself, what emotional need are you trying to fulfil by doing the things that you do and not going to bed at a time that allows you to achieve sufficient sleep?
What can you do to be kinder to yourself?
Do you find that you are often late to appointments and spend your time rushing, stressed that you are late again and of course you always have a great story and an excuse as to why you are late.
This one is interesting as it involves being kind to yourself and even kinder to others.
Let’s start in reverse order. Those who are often left waiting for you deserve to be treated with more respect. By arriving on time you are showing the individual that you appreciate them, you are thanking them for showing up, and that you respect them and their time, all of which are indictors that you are being kind to them.
Now back to you, if you are often late, stressed and rushing for appointments. What is it that you are telling yourself? I am not able to keep an appointment at a stated time; “I’m always late anyway, so I guess it won’t really matter”; I choose not to allow myself enough time to be punctual; I believe my excuses. I enjoy rushing around and feeling stressed?
Here is an exercise for you to try every day for the next month, choose 2 appointments or specific events that you schedule yourself to be 15 mins early for. You are to allow enough time to arrive feeling calm, relaxed and enjoy the feeling you have been kinder to yourself.
Do you often berate or chastise yourself for doing something that you consider to be wrong or if you make a mistake. How does berating yourself make you feel? Do you feel better for it? I suspect not.
How might you change this around? Play around with these words in your own style.
“I would have preferred a different outcome but hey it’s not the end of the world onwards and upwards”.
Choose your own style of words that suit you, which are positive and show that you are acknowledging the fact that you are moving on from the event or mistake, you can even see it as a learning gift and not beat yourself up and yep you guessed it be kinder to yourself.
Check your kindness baromter
There are many ways we can check in with our own kindness barometer and tweak and change things, perhaps just one thing at a time. The important thing here is to be aware, acknowledge and adjust things so that you are kinder to yourself; you treat yourself how you treat others and how you expect to be treated.
I am older and wiser than I look. After many years in the corporate world I decided to branch out on my own…brave eh? My tenacity, resilience and great fulfilment from what I do keeps me doing.