WORDS OF WISDOM
WORDS OF WISDOM
What does your language say about you?
I can’t help it I listen and I listen well, It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. I can tell a lot about an individual by what they say about themselves and even more by what they say about others when they’re out of earshot.
Our language demonstrates our beliefs, thoughts and emotions. Listen closely you will hear a pattern relating to all sorts, self-confidence, certainty, frustration, anger, pain, tolerances, contentment, fulfilment and ego, to name a few. Our language can sometimes be used as a window to look into what’s going on for us at a particular time.
I prefer not to judge although this isn’t the case all of the time, the truth is a lifetime of judging can be hard to move way from. This non-judgemental side of me is part of who I am, who I’ve become and it’s also why I’ve been privy to people around the globe sharing their deeply personal stories with me, within a short space of time after meeting me. My non-judgement allows them to trust me and feel safe when they’re speaking with me.
My training and the path I’ve chosen to take also allows me to listen and converse freely without judgement. On a day when I’m out and about and not paying close enough attention the judgement fairy may seek to creep in, but I’m observant of this.
I hear people saying things and they don’t seem to realise what they’re telling themselves. They want to be more confident and feel better about themselves but they say, I’m not confident, I’m not very good at, I could never do X and don’t give it a second thought because these thoughts and what they say to themselves have been there for so long, they don’t yet know different.
An estimated 1 in 6 people experience a common mental health challenge such as depression or anxiety in a given week. There are probably more who choose not to speak to a medical professional so these go unreported.
The subject of mental health has also been given a lot of media coverage recently but we still need to do as much as possible to raise awareness, help each other and learn how we can better manage our own mental health and wellbeing.
Many of us have or will struggle with a mental health related challenge at some point in our lives, if you never do that’s great….Eureka you’ve conquered life.
What can you do to build greater resilience?
It is something to be aware of and one of the first things we can do is build up our resilience around some of our basic challenges so that we feel stronger and have resources to call on should we need them.
We’re not always in control of things that happen but what we can do is change our thoughts and the way we react to them.
For physical health generally it’s quite obvious when we’re unwell or feeling suboptimal the signs can be visible, noticeable or obvious. You can’t see your mind so it can take a little more focus to pinpoint what’s going on. A common reaction is to say things like "I think it’s all in my mind', 'I’m being silly', 'nobody else seems to be struggling' or just suffering in silence until things becomes more serious.
These are the types of things we’ve become programmed to do, think and say to ourselves. If we aren’t able to acknowledge the important topic of our own mental health, how can we become more comfortable taking action for our own wellbeing or even speaking about it to others?
Aiming for incremental improvements rather than a notion of perfection can lighten the psychological and emotional pressures we put on ourselves.
Obviously if waking up every day aiming for perfection is your idea of heaven, you can certainly skip this article, if however on reflection it’s actually creating stress in your life, perhaps it might be time for a review of your idea of perfection.
What is your definition of perfect? Do you aim for a perfect life? Perfection in all that you do? Job? Relationship? Car? Finances? Friendships?
How are you measuring your ideals?
Is it by what other people have, their material possessions? What they are doing, travelling, eating, drinking? Is it their Social Media posts?
Perhaps it’s defined by an ideal created by you, your parents, grandparents or maybe a friend or spouse?
How about these? Do you want more money? A different job? A better Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband, Wife? A car that makes people turn their heads when you drive past, are any of these your concept of perfection?
When will what you already have, be enough?
Equality & Diversity is not only about gender, in this instance my viewpoint is from having conversations with women who are feeling extremely challenged working in predominantly male environments.
Here is an example: a conversation was started where a male colleague said “women who have children should not be given any special treatment at work, if they need to go home due to their child being unwell then perhaps they shouldn’t be working and should stay at home”. I appreciate this is one quoted comment but in the same environment it was noted as not unusual for inappropriate comments to be made by male colleagues.
It’s pretty sad to hear things such as this are still being thought, never mind said out loud.
How’s that overthinking working out for you?
As humans we think all the time. A little peak at Google tells me the experts estimate that the mind has somewhere between 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day, somewhere between 2,100 and 3,300 per hour….wowzers.
What happens to those thoughts? Do they help or hinder you. With all those thoughts going on it would be a shame if we don’t put some of them to good use and get them to work for us.
There are some people who enjoy their thought processes and choose to do nothing when they’ve finished with a particular thought pattern and are comfortable to just sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labour or take some form of action. Some however go through a series of thought patterns perhaps being less comfortable with the process, who then make decisions that either helps or hinders.
Thinking is obviously such a natural subconscious process we rarely take the time to explore how it’s working out for us.
Guilt can be an expensive emotion, often experienced with neither reward nor added value. I’m not talking about the guilt where you have committed a crime in the eyes of the law therefore punitive action is required or the feeling of guilt when you have wilfully and knowingly committed an ethical or moral wrongdoing, let's park those for now and move on.
To the type of guilt defined as; the feeling of responsibility, culpability or remorse that you hold for having committed a perceived wrong; or where you feel you have failed in an obligation, the type of guilt where you self-punish, whatever your preferred choice of self-punishment is.
I’ve been responsible (use of the word guilty has been carefully swerved here) of this in the past, I also often hear others talking about how guilty they feel; about something they’ve done, something they feel they should have done or worse, they feel guilty when someone else has deliberately gone out of the way to manipulate them into feeling guilty.
I want to challenge your thinking, your feeling of guilt is a choice, things could be different!!
Do you want it to be?
In the world that we now live in, so fast paced and technology driven I sometimes think about how we live and organise our lives. Things seem to have changed so much in the last 20 years but the reality is looking back things were always changing but for me it seemed to be at a much slower pace. Now I look at things through the eyes of technology and everything seems to be changing so much faster.
My personal inbox currently has 1,997 unread emails, which are a combination of newsletters, links to articles I would like to read, restaurants that I would love to go to at some point and general flotsam and jetsam, soon I will collate what’s in this inbox, quickly scan for anything remotely interesting, read if I choose to and then hit the delete button.
The reality is the majority of these emails will go into my trash never to be read nor seen again but I like to think that in keeping them for now I am giving myself choice. The priority for reading my emails is business first, I have a separate account for business emails, which I guard with my life and then I have one other account especially for my Accountant.
I imagine that my personal inbox will never be satisfactorily cleared unless at some point I am honest with myself. Do I really need to know of the existence of all these different learning programmes? Do I need to know what the latest craze is for anti-aging?
I suspect that I will never choose to find the time to read these emails because I have other things that I want to do and that ultimately they will all just end up in my huge capacity trash folder.
When purchasing a property or area of land it’s usual to have a boundary agreement in place that clearly shows where the demarcation is between your property and the neighbouring properties. In the event that there is a boundary dispute the agreement can be used to support any claim and hopefully settle the dispute.
Disputes in the area of property and land boundaries can occur where there has been no previous agreement put in place as to where exactly the boundaries lie.
I use this analogy as an example to highlight the importance of knowing and setting boundaries, particularly in your home, personal and work environment.
Exploring, becoming conscious of and then setting personal boundaries are important for your own learning, personal development and your self-confidence. When you become clear on where your boundaries lie it will greatly influence how others interact with you and will also contribute greatly to your own peace of mind and self-worth.
When you are clear on where your boundaries are, you become more certain of who you are and what you are willing to allow into your life, it also offers a platform to support you to be more decisive when the need arises.
I'm older and wiser than I look. After many years working in the corporate world I decided to branch out on my own.......Brave eh?